TMI

It is that time of year - school shopping. We went to the nearest Old Navy at the nearest big shopping mall on Monday. We went because Miss S. had outgrown EVERY SINGLE PAIR of her jeans. Seriously, she looked like Huck Finn. Can you say high-waters?

So, we shopped. Until we nearly dropped. Until C. had to buy his customary GIANT sized Strawberry-Banana Orange Julius. I don't care for them, but I have a few sips just to be companionable. They do sort of have restorative properties.

The thing is I'm really ticked off. Every single store we went into and purchased something from demanded that we give them our phone number. And our email address. I was, well, I don't want to swear, but I was P.O.'d. Big time. We paid by debit card. Not by check. No one needs your phone number or your email address. The card is issued by a major credit card company. With fraud protection and everything. They never asked to verify a driver's license or anything like that. Just that you give them your phone number and your email address. And I'm thinking, "when does it end?" Today's email address and phone number is just the gateway to your social security number, your first born, your most recent mortgage statement. Why not your entire elementary school cumulative file? Why not? Why not just provide them a register-side stool sample and be done with it?

I was fuming. On one occasion, I told the salesgirl that it was ridiculous. She said, "we don't call you or anything, we just link your phone number with your email address." What? Why? What for? There is absolutely no sense in that. And I looked down at the card swiper screen and saw that my husband was gleefully entering this as his email address: dork@geek.net. That and providing them with his work phone number. He's so much smarter than I am. Or more devious. How come I didn't think of that? Instead of flat-out refusing, like I did, he'd turned the whole thing into a game. Definitely earning himself that giant Julius.

Just so you don't think I'm some person embracing a time-warp mentality, I understand the reason for stores asking. I know they want to send you email offers, and probably include your address in their databases for mass-marketing. I know that they are those idiots who call me at 7:30 on a Sunday morning to see if I will participate in a "short" survey. I understand that they will not only use my information to try to pad their own coffers, but will sell my information to other corporations who want to bother me on my weekends via the phone or email. I know all this. And I cannot stand it. If I wanted to know about the "super deals" or "mega-blowout sales" - I would sure as heck find them for myself. I am a reasonably intelligent person. I manage to wake up, take care of my family, feed myself, drive a car, make my house payment, feed the dog, go to the bathroom, etc... ALL BY MYSELF. In short, I'm a big person. I do not need your amazing deals. And I certainly don't want them at 7:30 AM on a Sunday. Honestly, this is the worst development since "forms autofill".

Makes me want to move to the wilds of Alaska, build myself a yurt, and raise caribou.