The Outdoor Scene

Since C. and I have been together we have never had cable television in our home. We've been very content with the 3 (count 'em 3) PBS stations and a few network stations that we've been able to receive using an antenna. Since we're PBS addicts, we felt very sad when we lost one of our stations due to the digital switch. We don't use a digital converter box because we live in the middle of no-where, and the translators for our favorite PBS station (hey OPB!!!) have not been switched to transmit digitally. We weather on.

Last year on our annual beach vacation, we became addicted to "No Reservations" with Anthony Bourdain. We've read all of his books to date and have enjoyed his witty, irreverent style. Both C. and I are naturally sardonic creatures, so Anthony really appeals to us. Often he says things we wish that normal people could slip into everyday exchanges with people who frustrate us. So, we watched his show last year at the beach house, where we get our once a year cable TV fix.

But then we had to come home. And we were really suffering without our Anthony. We tried buying episodes from ITunes, but they get expensive. So we started a subscription with Netflix. At $8.95 a month, it seemed like a good idea. Until we were huddled around the laptop trying to watch old Anth eat his way through Paris or offend half of Namibia. (Here's where the clouds part and the angels start singing) - Netflix offers a disk you can use with your Wii system - allowing you to stream their offerings through your television set.

I feel kind of bad because we have had basically 15 years of cable TV shows to catch up. Imagine 15 years of standing around the water cooler nodding like we are "in the know" - while all the while wondering what the heck has happened to television that they have started following bakers' and tattoo artists' every move with a camera. So actually we're pretty selective. We watch "Mythbusters". I think C. has a crush on the redheaded girl. We watch Anthony, of course. And then we scream at the stupidity of the folks on the Steve Irwin on "Whale Wars". I mean, come on, you board another ship without permission (and I don't care how wonderful your cause seems) and then act like the other folks are in the wrong, well, it just chaps our hides! Seriously, are you expecting moonlit walks on the beach and an FTD bouquet when you plaster the deck of a ship with putrescine? C. and I have little room for self-righteous grown-up hippies. Something about the smell - that and all the hugging.

But here's the deal, we've been having a discussion about Bear Grylls and Les Stroud - of "Man Vs. Wild" and "Survivorman", respectively. Now, my sisters think Bear is better looking and I think this is why they prefer his show over the other. Am I right, ladies? But for our $8.95 a month - we're going to have to go with Les. He actually stays out in the wild. Bear apparently stays out during the day, but hightails it to a hotel at night. Les films his own adventures. Bear does not. And, this is what clinches it for me - the amount of grunting and heavy breathing Bear does while he's "surviving". For the love of Pete, I'll bet he could save a couple hundred calories alone by taking a few relaxing breaths, maybe sit in the Lotus position for a couple of minutes. I'm not denying that there is some serious physical labor going on while he's hopping down a scree pile, or climbing a waterfall barehanded, but please, Bear, you sound like a phone call between two teenagers in love for the first time. I will acknowledge that my sisters are right. Bear is marginally better looking. And I might even go so far as to say that it is much better to see Bear in the buff, slathering himself with snow to cool off - but Les has my vote for actually living the wild life. There is just something about someone who keeps their grunting to themselves and gets on with the business of starting a fire using a q-tip and some Vaseline.