perspective

Whew. Sometimes, just whew.

I was enjoying a few minutes in the Goodwill today. By myself. I'd had a nice lunch with a co-worker a few minutes before. S. was with her grandma. I was kinda lost in thought. Like, who thought these shorts were a good idea the first time? You know, like you do.

I felt a soft hand on my arm. And a gentle voice ask, "T. how are you, I haven't seen you in a long time."

I was a bit startled, but recognized the voice. Turned and gave the woman a smile. Genuine. For this lady, it could come from my toes. 

I looked into her goodly face. Something has gone wrong. There was something there, I couldn't place. Not just aging. But aging. Walk through fire kind of wearing down.

We exchanged pleasantries. She asked after S. Said she still looks out her window expecting to see the little blonde girl learning to ride her bike. Bless her. She is the mother of many. The grandmother to multitudes - it must be now. And she remembers watching my little girl take her first wobbly pedals on a bicycle. She came out and cheered from her front porch, giving a loud "Whoo-hoo S." Jumping up and down. She seemed excited as I was. I've always always loved her for that. And for just being a kind and gentle good example to me. She will never know how much I admire her. For being the kind of person who is a good person, but believes that you are too, even when you're not being such a good person. You could actually look at this woman's face and see your own worth reflected back at you. She's just one of those kind.

I asked how she and her family were. She started to reply that they were fine. But then stopped. And asked if I'd heard of the passing of her oldest daughter, gone. Killed in a car accident. Tears filled my eyes. Tears filled hers. I told her how sorry I was. It think it was too much for her. She said goodbye and turned and walked away to continue looking at the store, and, I imagine, to let her eyes dry.

That moment rocked my world. I didn't have the heart to shop anymore. I just wanted to get away somewhere and cry for this precious lady.

But I was left with this as I went through my day. 

If this lady can get up in the morning. Go through her day. Shop at a store. Really - if she could do anything but sit in a room and howl at the hurt, I'd not wonder, nor blame her.

If this woman could do those things. I can, we can, anyone can - do the hard things or the things we seem to think as hard things.