I am remembering watching this when S. was just a baby. When I had some truly dark days. Days when I wondered what had to offer such a perfect little creature. Here I was with a new baby, no driver's license, in a one bedroom apartment. C. was finishing some classes at the community college. Mom and Dad were helping us so I could stay home with my baby. I hated that apartment. I was alone from 9 am until 9pm most days, with a new baby. I was scared. And sad. And I felt bad that I had brought a baby into this world. You see, 2 months after S. was born, 9/11 happened. I thought the world was going to collapse. I thought I would always be in that apartment, with the crazy drunk guy who lived upstairs. I thought we'd always be so poor that we'd never get to do anything fun in life. I thought that I'd have a baby attached to my body for the rest of my life. I thought that I was the biggest loser in the universe. I thought that I had cheated S. by being her mother. I became depressed.
On the advice of my dad, I started walking. Getting out of the house. I hated the stroller we had. It was new and nice, but it got stuck in the cracks in the sidewalk. I really wanted a jogger stroller. I think that if I'd had a jogger stroller, I may have started running and never come back. I would have jogged to the ocean. I would have jogged into the ocean. But I did start walking. And going to the public library. And it was then that I discovered that I could rent movies - at the library - for free! As I hate most popular movies, I checked out most of Ken Burns' resume. I watched the Civil War series, Frank Lloyd Wright, Thomas Jefferson, The West, and Lewis and Clark.
And so tonight, sitting here, I hear Hal Holbrook's crackly, comforting voice telling about the Voyage of Discovery. And I look around. I see my own home. I see a car in the driveway, which I drive. I see a name badge which I wear to my wonderful job every day. I see things of beauty. I see fun. I see my husband who puts up with me and provides for me. I see a long-legged, beautiful daughter - who I love more than life.
Life can be scary, life can be sad. But I'm glad that I'm still here, with Hal Holbrook's crackly voice.
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