Things Kids Say

The best part of my job is the kids. In particular the first graders. If you have not spent significant time around a group of first graders, I urge you to go volunteer at your local school - and specifically request to work only with first grade. It will be eye opening, I promise. Nearly as exciting as parachuting without a parachute, or maybe driving NASCAR when you're used to the carpool lane. Your eyebrows will never be the same. Think of it as Botox for the soul.

Today we finished up with our most recent writing project: the autobiography. We've been working on this for a couple of weeks and the kids have done a great job. Today they practiced presenting their work. Public speaking is important. They used to call it elocution. And yes, it can be done by first graders. They actually enjoy it. Anyway, to present their work, they must stand in front of the group, speak loudly, make eye contact with the group several times during their presentation, and not fiddle around. Those listening show the speaker respect by listening with our full attention, giving eye contact, not wiggling around in our chairs,and keeping quiet. I sit on the other side of the table as part of the audience.

One of my most precocious students leaned over next to me during one presentation and said, confidentially:

"I don't know about you, but I'm not seeing much eye contact here."

I died.

Only slightly less funny was the illustration phase of our autobiographies.

I was watching one little girl color her self portrait. She saw me looking at her work (which included a naked but (thankfully)androgynous angel with wings and a heart on the belly) and said:

"You like my wings?"

I said that I did indeed like her wings. 

She said, "Haven't you always wanted a pair of wings?"

I said I hadn't really given wings a lot of thought.

She said, "I've always, always, always wanted wings. I'd love to fly like a bird, wouldn't you? And think, I wouldn't have to mess around taking the school bus, I could just fly right to school."

I said I hadn't thought of that, but now she was selling me on a pair of wings. I said, "And by the way, what is that stick in the background?"

"Oh", she says, "That's Jesus on the Cross  . . . with a crown of thorns."

Botox for the soul, I'm telling you.