Mood Swings

Oh gosh, is anyone else having a hard time with winter? It is cold and dark. It threatens to snow all the time (and I hate snow, unless I am home for 2 weeks with nowhere to be). There is nothing to look forward to - well immediately, anyway.

Should I go buy seeds for planting for my garden this early? Just to have something to work on? To look forward to?

It is hard to be chipper when it has been cold (in the 20's) and foggy for weeks on end.

I have been feeling kind of manic today.

Must have been the fact that I didn't go to sleep until well after midnight. C. started snoring, so I had to hightail it to the sofa. And then I woke again at 3. And laid there trying to fall back asleep until after 4. Worrying and worrying about everything from my immediate and extended family to the house to my students to health issues. I just could not find a safe thought to give me shelter while I tried to get back to sleep.

I toyed with the idea of not going to work today. I was wiped out. Not feeling my best. But I pushed on once the alarm went off. A cruel -5 hours of sleep under my belt. I didn't think I was in the best shape to go work with kids. But then I thought, I can't stay here stewing about the same stuff that kept me awake all night - all day.

A problem with S.'s homework. I thought she was being wronged. And I just could not help myself. I'm hoping the teacher understands Mama Bears from her many years of teaching. I hope so.

I was kind of running on some second wind from nowhere today. I had to keep myself psyched up so I wouldn't fall over from lack of sleep. I wonder constantly what my co-workers must think of me - whirling around like a wild woman in a hormonal, worried, lack of sleep, mama bear mood. They must think I'm nuts. But lord love them - they are kind.

I had two compliments save the day. At just the right moments. I nearly cried. Sometimes things like that can save you.

But then I managed to tick C. off during a busy day for him, so I'm not sure I'm ahead on the ledger.

I need a good night's rest. And something to calm me down during these times. Not sure what that is exactly. I don't drink, so that's out. What do people do to relax when they're so wound up? Exercise? I guess, but darn it, its cold outside!