Footie

One of the hardest things about being a mother is listening, or watching someone criticize your child. The past two years S.'s soccer coach has nearly gotten an earful from an irate momma, namely - me.

He didn't start off on the right foot last year, and I was disinclined to like him due to his inflexibility of scheduling of practices. They seemed excessive, and in a location that only suited himself, i.e., 3/4 of the team was from our end of town, and we had to drive 4 times a week all the way to the other end of town.

But we kept on. We missed a couple of practices, but we made every other one, and every single game.  I learned halfway through the season that he had some really unfortunate personal things going on, and it did make me feel sorry for him and his family. But there was always an undercurrent of not liking his treatment of the girls, and specifically - my girl.

He yelled, and was not encouraging. During games it was all I could do to sit still and not run over and tell him to stop saying un-helpful things to my child. And that's part of the problem, he did not say the same kinds of things to the other girls. Just S. And lest you think I'm being overly sensitive, I would not have minded his attitude quite so much if he had been at least fair in raking all the girls over the coals. 

This year, it is the same story. He yells at S. and rarely at anyone else. I listen, I try to be fair. I listen really carefully to hear if he's saying the same types of things to the other girls, he isn't. And his assistant coach, a former player of his from a select boys team, said this the other day, "S. if you can't kick the ball, you need to find a new career." I didn't hear this, but S. came off the practice field the other day, nearly in tears, and wouldn't tell me about it until we were out of the parking lot and driving home. I was venting my frustrations to another mom the other day during practice, and she said, "You know, I've noticed that he does yell at S. and not at the other girls."

And yesterday's game was a practice in frustration. It was awful. S. was in and out of the game, the first half she did pretty well, took two shots on goal, and coach put her back to defense. I could care less about that. He was moving players around like a damned square dance. After halftime he put her in as forward, the other girls on the field told her she should play midfield, coach started yelling because she was confused and wouldn't go for the ball, and she just withered. No direction, he just continued to yell and confuse her. He'd pull her out, then a few minutes later, put her back in. I was sitting with C. and his grandma, and my mother-in-law, and they are serious sports fans, except C., he was pushed way too far as a kid and it shows. But even he was frustrated. We had no idea what was going on with S. - why she'd gone from doing well, to well, really stinking it up. And the entire team was like that. Our usually best players were hanging back, not doing much. 

The goalie, for instance, was out of the box the entire time, and not just out of the box a little way, all the way out of the box, and she is not quick enough, nor good enough to be playing the goal that way. She let 3 or 4 goals be scored on our team, but the coach said absolutely nothing to her, didn't pull her out, or change positions. But he was pulling S. out and putting her back in every few minutes. 

At the end of the game, I just couldn't take listening to C., grandma, and MIL any longer, and I noticed coach ramping up to yell. He'd just pulled S. out, so I made my way over to the hill right above where he and the subs for the team were standing. He was just about to start giving S. the business when he noticed me standing there. He backed off immediately and began, instead, to talk to her quietly. I don't mind the quiet talks, as long as there isn't demeaning conversation taking place. S. tried to tell him that she was confused. He wouldn't listen. It took everything in me not to go down and pull her out of the game, to tell the coach where he could go.

So, what does a mom do? Do I let is go? Let her figure out how to deal with someone singling her out for unfair treatment? Do I talk with him and risk him getting worse. Do I call the rec league director and complain? Am I just being silly?